Everyone has had a divorce at some point in their lives, right? A divorce from a friend, a job, a co-worker, and of course a spouse. My first divorce was from my business partner. It’s also what made me want to seek out a therapist to try to deal with what came with it. I found that even though I knew it was for the best for me, and inevitably for my partner, it did not come easy. Especially because we had the “kids” to consider. It’s not necessary to go into the what why and how it all happened, but I’d rather share the emotions that resulted because of it.
Suffice it to say that we had high hopes for a long prospering business and started out the best of friends. We learned as we went that as much as we had in common, we also had very different ideas of how to run a business successfully. The fact that my partner is still running a thriving business, and I am also 14 years later on my own, we just couldn’t do it together anymore.
I decided to leave even though it tore a piece of my heart out after all the love and energy I put into it. I walked away with almost nothing except my sanity and desire to make it work on my own. Different than a traditional divorce some employees stayed in the old business, and some followed me to my new one. The fact that this person I left behind, my other half so to speak, and I were no longer communicating was horrific to me. So hard for me to understand how two people can once love and respect each other turn to disappointment and even hatred.
Eventually with hard work, love and support, and some therapy… we were able to reconnect a few years later and talk about what went on. I’m not sure either one of us ever took responsibility for the “failure” of our partnership, but both came to an understanding that some things just don’t work.
It’s taken much longer, and some days I still have a hard time understanding, how to really accept that we as humans allow such anger to penetrate our souls. To go from love to hate and not speak anymore. I’ve experienced the emotion of having to lose someone to death and have to go through life loving that person still, and longing for them. But the issue of losing someone to ignorance or incompatibility, yet they’re still alive, is tricky for me. I don’t find it easy to walk the earth with people I once shared my deepest thoughts and feelings with to then just not speak anymore. I have come to the conclusion however that sometimes it’s best for both parties to separate and not be in each others lives. That sometimes two people just aren’t meant to be friends or lovers or business partners.
I’ve had this conversation with many of my clients and I find it interesting how some agree, and some have no interest what so ever to stay acquainted with people from their past. I guess for me depending on the severity of the relationship and why it ended helps me to determine the right placement for them in my future.
I will cherish the memories and the lessons that came from that relationship, and many others. The growth I’ve had as a result is immeasurable. Like the great lessons I learn from healthy and positive relations every day, there are so many from the less than stellar ones also. I will never look back with regret. The times when I was truly in awe of these people at some point deserve to be treasured and remembered. Not forgotten because of the outcome of the relationship.